blog You Matter

You Matter ❤️ Control

Control is defined by Merriam-Webster as power or authority to guide or manage,to exercise restraining or directing influence over. Our world, personalities, life experiences are filled with control  everywhere we go. Emotions, how you dress, interact with others, the food you eat and so much more involves control.

My home is in lovely Rochester,NY. The weather can change dramatically in one day. You can begin the day with summer, quickly switch to winter, and end up with spring. Or a morning start of spring can heat up to summer and end with snow and sleet. One single day can be marked with highs and lows all within 24 hours. Seems life can be that way. The other day when the weather was doing whatever Mother Nature wanted to be doing which is completely out of everybody’s control the word control keep popping up in my brain.

With all this changing weather it seems like a good day to talk about control.

In reality what do we control? Sometimes we like to think we control others, control situations, and are in total control of our lives. Life will happen in the order and way we want it to because we can control that. People in our lives will act they way we want them to because we control that. We will be in control of who likes us, we will get the job we want, when and where we meet the romantic partner of our dreams, ect. The list is endless.

Think about the pressure of feeling like we are the puppeteer of the people around us. The pressure this puts on us and all of our relationships and experiences. It can suck the  fun, joy, and learning out of life.

Guess what? The core of it all is at the end of the day, everyday, we are the only people we can control. Yep us. Can we TRY to structure, guide, pressure others into things, Yes. Yet how others respond and react is on them. The way we respond and react is all ours. Once you embrace this as a way of life it is so freeing.

One of my most powerful learning lessons in life was this one. I used to feel responsible for others happiness, decisions. I did not want to let anyone down. Somehow I was responsible for the emotions others were feeling. If a person in my life was struggling I needed to take an action to fix things.. This was exhausting and draining for me. It created addition stress in my relationships. To me my way of living life and making decisions was the best and right way. I was not trusting others and giving them credit for who they are what they were choosing to do. I was not trusting the value of the person I am and that my relationships were with people who cared about me because I am me.

My insecurities within myself led to controlling actions outside of myself. One day I had a moment of clarity. Some might call it an epiphany. I feel we always know within ourselves what is right and true for us so I feel an epiphany is our internal truth speaking up pretty loud and bringing us clarity. I decided it was time to change. To let go of my need to control others and get better with myself.

I began by working on myself with improving my sense of self, worthiness, confidence. This was daily and consistent to change the self talk in my head to affirming, strong, positive. I developed a statement of strength or mantra that I  would say a LOT, especially when I was doubting myself. It is “I am brilliant, bright, brave, and beautiful”.

In my relationships and interactions I stepped back. I listened more, gave less input about what someone else should or should not do. When others would ask me what I thought my feedback was based as options and was targeted on what others had told me about what is going on. I was still supportive. It just looked different and was much healthier. Floodgates of great growth and learning happened to me because I was more receptive to taking in the fantastic information and perspectives of others.

As I felt more confident and worthy about who I am I felt more in control with myself. I am so much happier with who I am. It is incredibly freeing to know that I while I am and always will be a supporting, caring, empowering person for others. I am not responsible for others happiness.I am responsible for mine.

So when my life reflects a Rochester weather day of spring, winter, then summer I’ve got it in a good way. If someone needs a jacket or umbrella will I offer mine? Absolutely! I just will not force it on someone and tell them they have to take it. If they say no thanks will I feel rejected? Nope. Because I have all of my happiness and joy within me.

My letting go of control of others helped me to gain control within the person I wanted to be. The changes I made in my interactions and relationships also helped to empower others more, because I was listening to and validating them as confident, competent amazing people. There was a domino of other super incredible things that happened when I stepped back and let the Universe do it’s magic.

There is a GREAT quote by tiny buddha that says “You can’t control everything. Sometimes you need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and let life happen”.

You are an amazing, wonderful, champion human who matters greatly in this world. When you focus on taking fantastic self care and compassionate actions to support and empower yourself the ripples will impact everyone around you!

Thank you so much for being you and bringing your you to the world❤️

 

 

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